So, I made it so only your my friend on here, because I felt like this journal wasn't private enough, and so now you're the only friend on it=]

Today has been... weird. Nick and Mary came over.. but I didn't really feel happy. Everything they did and said made me mad. Everything made me irritated. I felt like slapping Nick just because he spilt a drink on me on accident, when normally I would just laugh. I don't know what was wrong with me... I felt like screaming, but my mouth could hardly let me talk. I felt like crying, but my eyes were completely dry. It was all so weird. I hope I start acting normal tomorrow. I don't want my friends to get mad at me, because I know Nick and Mary wont get mad at me, but my other friends would.

I really hate myself lately. I need to talk to someone voice-to-voice, but when I call Nora, I never talk about important things. When I get around my friends, I just laugh and act like my problems don't faze me. I don't know why but it's so hard for me to be serious. I don't think I've ever talked about anything important to any of my at home friends except for Mary. And only Nora and Fallon on the phone. Three people in my whole entire life is kind of sad. I don't know what's wrong. Is it trust issues? idk. I'm just sick of not showing anything. and I'm sick of pretending to be invincible. I know my friends care and I know they'd help me if I was down, but I don't know why I can't tell them when I am down.